February 20, 2012

McMillans (6) - Round 19

The house seemed so large and empty without Leah, Kevin thought.  Not even the sound of the tv seemed to be able to blast away the quiet.

He'd tried dating, but it had been a disaster.  He just wasn't ready to let go off his feelings for Leah long enough to make a connection with any of the ladies he'd been fixed up with.

Sometimes it still felt like she was with him.  He felt her presences at odd times... as though she was still in the room with him, ready to laugh at a joke or talk about a silly customer he'd had earlier in the day.

But, whenever he turned around to tell her his thoughts... there was no one... nothing...

Which left work to fill the void.  But there were only so many hours in a day a person could work.

Sometimes Kevin thought that he'd never get over her loss.

And his friends were well-meaning, but none of them understood.  They all treated him like he was fragile and likely to break into shards.  They hugged him and asked how he was doing, afraid to mention Leah's name. 

He really just wanted to stand in the middle of the room and yell, "Leah's dead and I'm still alive." 

Taking a deep breath, Kevin focused on what James was saying.

James smiled and knocked Kevin on the shoulder.  "How are you holding up, man?"

Kevin weakly smiled.  "I'm good."  Turning away, he headed for the stairs, hoping to hide out in his room for a moment...

And then saw her...

"Mandy?" he whispered.  Wow....

She was all grown up now!

Telling himself, he was just going to find out how college was, he followed her into the room.

Kevin looked around.  The gang had long since gone.  But, Mandy was still here.  She seemed to be waiting for him to make a move. 

God, he didn't even know if he had any moves left!

What if he blew it, he thought worriedly.

Taking a deep breath, he plunged headfirst into the water...

Awkwardly, they sat in bed shoulder to shoulder, trying to figure out the best way to move forward.  Kevin cleared his throat.  "It's been awhile since I've done... this..." he said uneasily.  "Not since Leah died."  Kevin hated that his voice cracked when he said her name.  And he was distinctly worried he might break down in tears before they even got started.

Mandy looked down at her hands, clasped over her belly.  "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to," she offered.

"You don't want to?" he asked.

"Oh no! I mean, yes! I do! But, if you don't, then we don't have to."

"Well, I do."

"Great. Now that we've cleared that up..." Mandy trailed off, looking down at her hands again.  She wasn't sure if she should make the first move or not.

Kevin turned towards Mandy and wrapped his arms around her.  "Maybe we should talk about it less..." he said huskily as he leaned forward to kiss her. 

"That sounds like a plan!"

Later, Mandy cuddled against Kevin's side, wondering what she was supposed to do.  He'd fallen asleep and she felt like she was intruding if she stayed.

Wiping a tear from her eye, she hurriedly dressed and wiped another tear away as she searched under the bed for her shoe.  She knew the score.  Just because a guy slept with you didn't mean they were interested in forever.  Jesse had taught her that early on...

Finally she managed to find her shoe and slipped it on.  Hurrying out of the room, she heard the bed covers rustle.

"Mandy?" Kevin called out.

Feeling ridiculous, she hurried to the steps, too emotional to talk to him.

"Mandy? Where are you going?" he asked, his voice filled concern. 

Kevin watched Mandy run up the steps and heard the front door slam moments later, leaving him to wonder what he'd done wrong.

Harts (2) - Round 19     McMillans (6) - Round 20

1 comment:

  1. Okay, this is the guy I was thinking of who recently lost his wife. Erm. Tuff to keep it all straight. hehe


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